you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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