I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
