i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
