I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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