just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
