I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
