READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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