so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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