I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
