after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
