Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
