know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
