Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
FUCK WHALES
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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