Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
