i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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