They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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