I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
