i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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