She said her name was "party"
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
