Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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