Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
