??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
