Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize