im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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