piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
