Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
