i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize