I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
