i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
