Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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