there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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