I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
