just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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