Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
