420 ftw
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
