Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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