Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
