Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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