Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
