WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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