That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
