just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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