I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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