We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
