we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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