I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
