A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
