I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
