Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize