You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
