I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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