I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
