I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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