she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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