I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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