Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
