oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
