question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
