so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
