Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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