What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
