Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
