I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
