Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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