How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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