Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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