Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My balls are so social today.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
