Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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