Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
