Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
