You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
